Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Navigation

Regularly scheduled posts resume after this organizational message.

Legalese. Be warned.

The major questions:

Who are you? (Look right)

Who are these people you keep mentioning?!

What are you doing?

Where are you? (Look up)

Why do you sign your name 'ROD'? (I don't.)

Got a question? Leave a comment! (Or milk. Don't leave it, if you've got it, though. That shiz'll go bad.)

Friday, December 11, 2009

I want to be a hand model on HSN

This is apparently turning into a music blog. I don’t want that to happen. I want this to be more a humanity blog - so I’ll bring it back around, soon enough.

Last week Susan Boyle’s debut CD pumped out over 700,000 copies, taking the cake by a wide margin. Apparently 80,000 of that number came from some home shopping network number she did. Genius.

Genius marketing, really, realizing that the majority of people who buy CDs these days are the same demographic as those people who would buy Susan Boyle are the same demographic as those people who watch home shopping.

But 700,000 copies! That’s the biggest female artist’s album debut in history! Perhaps if we weren’t so good at pirating music it wouldn’t be, but it is! Exclamation point!

I – like many many many – thought it was fascinating, really fascinating, quite interesting, really, how Boyle’s story was presented on Britain’s Got Talent: here’s a cat lady, a crazy bat, and we can laugh at her! Mwahaha. (Remember poor William Hung?) The audience was visibly hostile to her when she first came out on stage.

And then she opened her mouth, and they were all on their feet screaming her name by the end of the piece.

Once upon a time (this summer) I read the Wikipedia page (so I know it’s true) of Susan Boyle’s. The Wikipedia page had a quote (you can see it yourself, if you so desire) about how this type of talent show is a modern version of the Victorian freak show. We aren’t so much interested in pretty and talented people. We get enough of those from Hollywood. We’re more interested in the crazy people -- either because they’re crazy and don’t realize how poorly they sing, or because their physical appearance is nothing like their voice, or their skill at [insert instrument or talent here].

Which is really silly, isn’t it? Don’t lawyer me on this statistic, but it has to be over 95% of opera singers who are just. Plain. Butt. Ugly. Because it doesn’t matter what they look like! We’ve paid tickets to hear their voices, and they’re going to be in major costumes and pancaked on makeup anyway, so what’s it matter? What’s with the Victorian freak show?

I don’t know. And delo ne sovsem v tom (the thing’s not entirely in that). What I’m trying to talk about are 700,000 copies of a debut album in its first days of sale. This is a wildly successful figure for someone who has escaped the freak show. We already know what kind of voice she has, and what she looks like! And I think I saw somewhere that she might have gotten some kind of vague, matronly makeover – good for her!

So now she’s legit. And people are buying her records (or watching her on youtube, or finding her on some kind of torrenting site) because they want to hear her sing, regardless of looks. That makes me happy. Happy as a clam.

Or as the caviar I’m eating right now. Mwahahahahahahhaa.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Um, Kate? You Might Not Want to Go in There For a While

I have Made a Mix-Tape™.

Well. A Mix-CD™.

Well. A Mix-iTunes-playlist™, as I’ve currently not burnt any copies of it.

But I have a poignant-though-inspiring quote from Virginia Woolf to validate it. And I’ll give it a test-run in the car home from the airport in just over two weeks (hopefully. Depending on which car I am whisked away in from the airport, jet-lagged and inevitably-greasy-from-some-crazy-old-woman-next-to-me-inexplicably-making-my-entire-life-greasy head in one hand, CUP OF DUNKIN DONUTS ICED HAZELNUT in the other.) Maybe if Dad likes it I will make him one.

I have just realized that I’m not planning on bringing my laptop home, and thus will not be able to make Mix-iTunes-playlists™ become Mix-Cds™. I must stock up from the 18 ruble person by the ‘tro.

And then I will just have to find out who’ll be lucky enough to get my Virginia-Woolf-validated, coffee-stained, grease-covered mix-tapes. I mean –CDs™.

In other news, is that parenthetical about what I’ll have in my hands a misplaced modifier? I can’t tell if it’s ambiguous or not whether I’m talking about the I-getting-whisked-away or about the car when I describe the greasy hair and the cocaine-in-iced-hazelnut-liquid form. I think I did it correctly and it just sounds funny in an informal, passive register? Gahd. I suck at Russian AND at English.

Edited to add: Today is Thursday. Which means last night the finale of Top Chef aired. I will likely not be able to locate the episode illegally on youtube until tomorrow at the earliest, more likely on Saturday. I will massacre that one who spoils the winner to me in that individual's sleep. Just saying.

Actually, that seems too peaceful. I would construct an elaborate death trap while you were sleeping (so you could not escape) and then wake you up (so you could experience it). Cf. Battle Royale, Saw, other "torture porn" movies.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Like a Bridge over Troubled Water



Most Bogdana Khmel'nitskogo (Krasnoluzhskii most) (2001)
The Bogdan Khmel'nitsky (pedestrian) bridge, built over the old Krasnoluzhsky Bridge of the Moscow Railway System (originally built 1905)
Author: E. G. Konantsev

I'm sure this won't be true for much longer: right now, this is what it's like when it snows. The skies become black as night, eternally at the mercy of the wind and the sea, and where the road meets the sea let her wait where the road meets the seeeeaaaa we can see the snow as distortions on the photograph-memory-image but nowhere else.

I fear the day when the snow will fall for real real.

Edit: I prepped this post on Sunday. Monday we had snow for real real. Le sigh.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Musics-made-of-glass in an Exhibition-Cafe

Part two.

I wonder how many “one-hit wonders” haven’t stuck with us as the wonders they were when once we wondered at them. Like “That Thing You Do.” Sometimes I sing that song and people give me weird “what song are you referencing” looks. Then I describe the scene where the guy’s jumping meters and breaks himself and they remember.

Weird, what things stick in our memories. Like this throwback to 1970:

“I Ain’t Got Time Anymore” by The Glass Bottle. Some readers of Frozen Icarus (like my mom and dad) might know the song I’m talking about. It was relatively popular, once upon a time, but it is not classic rock – with the strict definition of “classic/al” being “withstanding the test of time.”

Or has it? Thanks, Moscow, for introducing me to random American songs I’ve never heard before. The only unfortunate bit is that the version I hear in the café is a mystical cover version that inexplicably does not exist on the interwebs. How can this be?!

Is ok. The original is good, too.

It doesn’t deserve a separate post, but only vaguely related: a song I have “re”discovered is Sonny and Cher’s “A Cowboy’s Work is Never Done.” I have no idea why I like it. It seems like it would be everything I hate in the world, all rolled in to one 3 minute and 12 second clip – but it’s not!

What is this world coming to!?

Monday, December 7, 2009

Musics at an Exhibition-Cafe

This is part one of two-part suite dedicated to the sometimes jaw-droppingly-awesome, sometimes startlingly-horrible music in the coffee shops.

I have a moment of panic.

This moment is different from the flocking plethora of other panic-moments because I am writing about it right now, right here. Get thee to a super soaker, nonetheless.

This is my problem. The lovelies on the Sandbox talked about Adam Lambert’s CD release. I was all ignoring them, sipping my coffee, when they let slip: “And here’s a clip of Lambert singing a song written by the frontman of one of our favorite bands, ever: Muse. Here’s Soaked [with what!?]” (They are very intolerant.) (And now you recognize the triple entendre I’ve made with the “super soaker” link above.)

I write down “Soaked - Adam Lambert” in my “list of things to do when I have interwebs” document. (Yes, I have such a thing. And that is exactly what the file name is.)

I listen.

I enjoy.

Enter moment of panic, stage left.

It’s Adam Lambert, pop superstar divao (the “a” is silent. Or is it the “o”? I am also very intolerant, it seems.)

But it’s also Matthew Bellamy! And it sounds like Muse! It sounds…it sounds like Tina Turner and Matthew Bellamy had some bizarre cloned lovechild that sings power ballads.

Is it bad that I came up with “Tina Turner” as a singer with a similar style but lower voice than Bellamy? Tee hee.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

The Damien Effect

My sister and her husband, Galinda and Scientist™ Joe, are expecting twins.

This statement is very out of the ordinary for the blog, which is an egotistical extension of my ego (hence…egotistic…you get it.) and subjective reality (which is why I was a relatively horrible uncle and mentioned all of my nieces’ and nephews’ birthdays in one fell swoop), but I must make an exception.

Because that statement is important for the egotistical and subjective explanation that follows.

Also, this post is important for two reasons.
1. Lady Ashley’s already yelled at me because I was a horrible horrible “BFF” and didn’t tell her as soon as I knew. Mea culpa, on that one. You can take this anonymous blogpost, anonymous readers dear, as me personally telling you, each and every one, now, that Fred and George Weasley will soon appear on this green earth. K. No more yelling at me for being a bad gossip (because in actuality I am a fantastic gossip. Tell me your secrets.)

2. There’s something about twins that’s always given me the heebie-jeebies that I need to get off my chest before my nephews are actually people and can take offense at it.

…There are so many things wrong with the rationale behind the previous sentence that I’m not even going to touch it, but just move on.
This is the thing. It’s nothing like old superstitions about twins – I believe they’re both going to have a full soul, I don’t think there’s anything creepy about mirror images (they can be a dual aerial act in Varekai!), and I look forward to seeing how they make their older sister run for her money.

But I get creeped out by THE DAMIEN EFFECT™.

For those of you, readers dear, who aren’t familiar with The Omen or its 6/6/06 remake (where the scariest part is Julia’s acting, blah blah blah, I’ve already referenced it multiple times) the premise is this: the anti-Christ is a little British (though technically American – though technically a citizen of Hell, and I’m not sure if they give dual citizenships there) boy who is the son of the American ambassador. Except he’s really the son of a jackal, and the babies were switched in the nursery where he was born. (For a more uplifting version of these events, cf. Good Omens, by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, available in your nearest bookstore.)

You see, this isn’t a question of whether Galinda and Joe are going to love one twin more than the other (categorically that answer is: yes – Grant is always going to lose in affection to Tecumseh) – but a question of which twin gets to be Grant and which gets to be Tecumseh. Let’s say that Baby #1 is born. This is Grant. Baby #2 is born. This is Tecumseh. Of the three children, Tecumseh is thus the “babyest,” and pampered, and loved. Ok.

But then the babies are switched in the nursery where they are born (perhaps multiple times?) and Tecumseh is now Grant! And Grant is Tecumseh! And their little eight-month-and-three-week bodies will have already experienced so many DNA transcriptions that there are bound to be some small osobennosti (see the ROD), but they haven’t grown up enough for a) us to tell them apart b) to understand which personality is their own.

For some reason I really need to have a one-name-one-ideal-one-physicality trinity. Maybe I need to think of it like the uncertainty principle of quantum mechanics (although Einstein himself didn’t like that. GOD DOES NOT THROW DICE! …But the Devil throws babies into nurseries?)

Besides, maybe some time when they’re three or four months old it’ll turn out that “Grant” is happy-go-lucky and “Tecumseh” is colicky. All Galinda has to do is change the outfits Scientist Joe saw them in earlier that day and POOF! Tecumseh’s become so much better behaved, hasn’t he? There’s a reason he’s our favorite child…

ROD

osobennost’ (pl. osobennosti) - specialties, exceptions. When the trainer administering our entrance physical exam to the gym announced that Briullov, Jude, and I ALL had scoliosis she admitted “Well, it’s really just a minor osobennost’ of your spine, but I’m going to mark it down as scolios anyway.”

Saturday, December 5, 2009

LE BLOG C'EST MOI!

I is BACK. Mwahahaha!

I just got an email from the Gingerbread Man, an old (both physically, and how long we've known each other, but mostly physically. heh heh) friend of mine, in which the G.M. says:
Icarus needs to stop his woe is me crap...it was his own fault he flew too close to the sun. He was like Curious George, but with wings. Curiosity killed the cat, yadda yadda yadda… he flew too close to the sun, got burned, died, now he was to live with it. Stupid Icarus.
Touche. I'm very excited about the Curious George reference, as well, because I LOVE CURIOUS GEORGE.

There are many things I could teach Curious George about how not to live life from the dorm, but here's just one lesson: George, food goes in the fridge, not the windowsill!

Unless you don't have a fridge. Then you can be creative. It stays at the cool temperature of 32, 33 Fahrenheit!



You can also see my plastic tablecloth-curtains and the "view" aka "reason why I usually keep the shades closed."

:D

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Um...hello?

Sorry for neglecting the blog a bit. I have been busy. It doesn't make sense, but I'm actually more busy while The Professor is in Italy (I am trying to finish four different books before his return.)

I also just gave a presentation at the American Center (which is different from American Embassy 2.0) on American TV Detectives. So. Sorry for denying you your daily dose of Frozen Icarus. The drought'll continue for just a couple days more, I promise, and then we'll be back to normal.

For now,

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Götterdämmerung

Maybe this has been said before, but just like there is torture porn - gratuitous violence à la The Saw, Hostel, etc., there must be such a genre as apocalypse porn. Do I need to list?
Demonic, scary, for-real-real apocalypse: The Omen 1 - 235879235, End of Days, [Insert here] of the Dead, Resident Evil, etc. etc.

“General” apocalypse: Day after Tomorrow, 2012, War of the Worlds, Mars Attacks, Metropolis, etc. etc.
Those are just the first things that came to mind in the last two minutes, as I am lazy – can you, can I, can anyone know the full extent of apocalyptic movies ever made? We’ll come back to this, but for now, here’s something completely different.

The reason that colleges pimp regimes of bystander-awareness rape and sexual assault prevention is because of the sociological principle of diffusion of responsibility: the more witnesses to a crime, the less likely any one of those witnesses will come to the victim’s aid. The bystander-awareness programs are supposed to help such witnesses learn what they can do so they won’t just stand by.

We need such a program for apocalypse porn – and I think, as well, for any kind of art form that argues for dissidence or rebellion against the standard regime. I was listening to the lovelies on the Sandbox, and while they were talking about that middle school teacher arrested in Boston back at the end of October, who became the most current avatar of Pure Evil™ in their minds, they played the following songs: M.I.A.’s Paper Planes, Green Day’s 21 Guns, Muse’s The Uprising…do I need to keep listing?

The question here isn’t “Why do we accept the fantasy-revolution in songs,” or something along the lines of “Did violent video games cause Columbine?” but, rather, “What effect are these fantasies having?”

It’d be completely different if we had a truly repressive, stagnant society. The bard-musicians in 1960s, 1970s Russia became reified and symbols of revolution (even though they were singing about love and campfires and nature, for the most part – I’m ignoring Vysotsky’s more pointed lyrics right now) because it was hard for the people to get to a dvor-concert or get their hands on bootleg, pre-cassette recordings. Forbidden fruit is essentially the easy mix powder form (Just add milk!) for artistic auras.

But for all that many aspects of our society are repressive, we are never oppressed in our status as consumers. Capitalism, in fact, loves it some good consumers. Musicians can sing about raging against the machine or about stand-offs with police or about a total apocalypse and exogenesis of human codes into the stars, and nothing will be repressed. We’re pushed to the opposite extreme – buy buy buy! Save the economy!

Our fantasy-revolutions have no real world counterparts. As the lovelies said, terrorist activity is t3h Pure Evil™. But, then, for what reason do we fantasize about revolutions, do we watch movies about apocalypses?
1. They are both fascinating concepts.
Neither apocalypse nor revolution are fun in a real life environment – they’re fascinating only as concepts. We want to experience both, but we don’t actually want to see the end of days, or see an upheaval. What would we do without Targeois?
2. Diffusion of apocalyptic responsibility.
Here’s a thought experiment – talk to someone about the time you were in kindergarten. See how many times you can say the word “kindergarten” in the conversation, in a speech-act, in a sentence. The more you say it, the more alien that combination of sounds becomes inside your mouth.

Repetition of an image – unless it has the marking of [+obsession] in an individual’s mind – does not make that image more powerful. Sorry, Dali, I know you wanted the world to be otherwise. Repetition leads to familiarity and regularity, normalizing the concepts; it doesn’t lead to critical paranoia.

So, in regards to apocalypse porn or the fantasie revolutionaire in alternative rock music, we actually have the opposite social effect of what one might originally think. We’re no longer scared of the apocalypse. We think, instead, that Cussack or Arnold or Milla will come save us. We look past the apocalypse and say “hm, how can we rebuild our society?” (which is very Norse. Make sure you clip your toenails before riding in to battle.) We fantasize about the revolution to release some steam - to take a load off, if you catch my drift – and then any real revolutionary thought we might have had has been mollified. Neutered.
like a cat. Tied to a stick. that's driven into. frozen winter shiz.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

The one, the only -- (??)

Vera Mukhina’s Rabochii i kolkhoznitsa[Worker and Collective Farm Woman] has been in restoration for six years. Before that, as the wikipedia page describes, it was in prominent display at VDNKh, and served as the emblem for THE film studio of the Soviet Union, Mosfilm.

On Thanksgiving the first stage of its unveiling occurred when the frontal scaffolding was removed. It is scheduled to be restored to its position of prominence at the North Gate of VDNKh.

I’m not sure how I feel about this. There will likely be a post about it, soon, but for now, here are the questions I’m mulling over:
1. What is reality? Here, in the frame of asking which is more important, the image-myth surrounding Mukhina’s statue, or the physical sculpture itself?

2. What does this development mean in the context of VDNKh’s fall from whatever dubious glory it might have once had? (I didn’t believe the reconstruction would ever actually occur, up until just now, when I saw a photograph in the paper…)

3. I myself am excited to see the statue in person. What does that mean about professional distance from my research topic?
The one thing I can say definitively about Worker and Collective Farm Woman is that it was originally placed on top of the 1937 Parisian World Fair pavilion (designed by Boris Iofan). In all of the research I’ve done so far, every architect’s voice rings en masse to denounce Iofan as a Party man who maneuvered his way to win the competition for the Palace of the Soviets. Those same voices, with an equal solidarity in purpose, applaud Mukhina’s artistic creations. And yet Rabochii i Kolkhoznitsa is the pinnacle of Socialist Realism [read as: repression(?)] in sculpture.